Bridezillas Mumzillas Groomzillas & Dadzillas are always a great topic of conversation – at other peoples weddings!
Having photographed hundreds of weddings, I feel I have a good handle on the things that trigger the sort of behaviour attributed to a Bridezilla.
Strangely enough, I have never experienced the quintessential Bridezilla at any of the weddings I have attended. That said, I have experienced the odd Mumzilla and even a few Groomzillas and Dadzillas.
Mumzillas are typically prevalent when they are funding the event and they want it all their way. Unfortunately, the Bride comes a distant second and her expectations are simply walked over.
Keeping in mind that the wedding is just the start of a ’till death us do part’ arrangement, the Groom should take heed that this Mumzilla behaviour is not going to dissipate once the ring is on your beloved’s finger. Over and above her penchant for being an overbearing pain in the arse, Mummy is probably not keen on her daughter’s choice of life partner. Might be time to take that interstate offer and buy you and your bride a one way ticket.
It’s no wonder elopements are so trendy these days. If you just want to celebrate your love and treat yourselves without interference from you know who, then an elopement might fit your expectations perfectly, not someone else’s.
So here are the 7 most common initiatives for Bridezilla type tempers, tantrums and tears:
1. Stress
This is the big one. Totally required to achieve Mumzilla status. It is especially aggravated by organising a large formal wedding. This is where the pressure builds as so many things can and do go awry. Especially for the inexperienced.
If you are coordinating and controlling a large event instead of enjoying the best day of your daughter’s life then sweet smiles are not going to be your forte.
Ironically, having the funding to stage a large wedding and then skimping on a Wedding Coordinator would have to be seen through as a deliberate attempt to sabotage the outcome and a feeble excuse for shite behaviour.
At least no-one will argue that you achieved Mumzilla status hands down.
2. Expectations
Unrealistic ones. This puts the bride, the groom, the wedding party, family, friends and service providers (the caterers, makeup and hair artists, the photographer, the florist, the celebrant and so on) under a cloud. You can easily sabotage even the most basic activities to everyone’s detriment.
Unrealistic expectations are the result of a false sense of entitlement but a negative disposition, a low self esteem and a naive and obsessive attitude helps enormously.
Combining stress and unrealistic expectations guarantees a high distinction in Mumzilla class.
3. Family Dynamics
A single-minded lack of consideration for the groom’s family will create a deep wedge between each side as the wedding day approaches. This will ensure your Mumzilla reputation will get a great kick start, never to be forgotten, for the rest of the time your daughter’s marriage survives.
The resulting family division can be made even worse by omitting the Grooms family from any decision making or having any participation in the affairs. For example, don’t ask the new in-laws to witness the marriage certificate or participate in any speeches.
Belittling the new in-laws will work a treat not only for your big M reputation but incite the rest of your family to follow suit.
4. Petty Details
Being obsessive about how to fold serviettes or where the flower arrangements should be placed is not what your guests are looking forward to. This will work for Bridezillas Mumzillas Groomzillas & Dadzillas.
It’s pretty simple really. Mostly guests want to be fed, watered and have a great time celebrating the marriage. Good music helps too.
You can take advantage by being obsessed with these petty details and drive everyone to distraction. Not quite as effective as the previous triggers but something to look back on in the years to come and pass on to your Granddaughter (assuming the groom sticks around long enough to impregnate your pitiable daughter).
5. Uncontrollable
There are a multitude of things that are out of your control. The weather, flat tyres, sick guests, air traffic controller strikes, uninvited friends of guests and so on.
This is Bridezillas Mumzillas Groomzillas & Dadzillas little standby gold mine. Unexpected predicaments leaves you open to staging additional off-the-cuff hissy fits and interfering in proceedings even more.
What a wonderful finishing touch to a truly unforgettable performance.
6. Champagne
Pop the Moet no later than 7:30 am. Yep, an alcohol soaked brain will really pump up the confidence and automatically give you centre stage for your irritating rants.
Imagine the reaction when you let slip that you have booked the same holiday package as the Bride and Groom or when you word up the band to play ‘Another one bites the dust’ for the brides red faced walk down the aisle.
7. Colours
This is the cauldron of endless possibilities to start working your magic. No matter what anyone else thinks or says, your opinions will not be ignored because the bride is not going to walk down the aisle without mamma nearby.
Whether she wants cream, red, black or gold, you have so many objectionable opportunities. Yep, not only the dress. There are Bridesmaids, Groom and Groomsmen, bouquets, floral arrangements, venue decorations, menus and the list goes on. You also have so much time on your side to upset so many people.
I really think I am making this all too easy.
Groomzillas
Nearly forgot to mentioned the stressed out or the caveman Groomzilla.
It’s amazing how the men mostly turn out to be the most emotional of the bridal couple. So many Grooms turn on the waterworks when they catch sight of their bride walking towards them or during the vows. This is a pretty good indicator of the emotional volcano that can burst out from even the hardest of the hard. Guys are human too.
But not all. Some are so macho that they believe the bride to be exceptionally privileged to have such a catch.
Waiting for the bride and her family to arrive at a windswept beach, the groom wanted the ceremony on the headland. I suggested the bride and bridesmaids would be better off in the lee of the headland ,out of the 60 kph wind. Caveman’s response “If she doesn’t like it, she can stay single”.
Dadzillas
No-one is ever going to be good enough for daddies little sweet pea. Sometimes you may be right but by the time the wedding rolls around you’ve left it too late to put in your two bob’s worth. I once saw a Dad reluctantly walk his girl down the aisle and refuse to shake the grooms offered hand. Gulp.
The final word on Bridezillas Mumzillas Groomzillas & Dadzillas
No matter where you fit in this time, there is always a future opportunity to turn it on later in life and make a name for yourself. You could be the first Granzilla or Pazilla to attain the reputation in the family hall of fame!